In the process of writing fifty songs one of my goals was to understand the process of creativity. For myself and for others. Something that keeps sticking me in the side like a thorn is the voice that says “Yeah, you might write 50 songs, but they’re not going to be ANY GOOD!”
This is not a very nice voice at all. I have argued with this voice and I have even attached it to different people outside of myself. It is the voice that will prevent me from doing this process, and it’s the voice that stops many people every single day from writing that verse, painting that picture or singing a song. My tactic has become this: Sit down. Start to write. The voice says “Yeah but these lyrics aren’t good at all!” “WHAT’S THE POINT!” I Usually don’t take a deep breath and connect to my spirit animal at this point. Instead I just say. The process is more important than the result. I keep writing. Then the critic tends to get wise. The critic puts on this genuine smile that usually fools me and he says “You know, I don’t want you to look foolish out there, I’m just trying to help. Let’s go back and edit some of those lines right now, you know. Just in case.” Some times this works--although lately I have practiced saying. Yes I will go back and edit those words BUT I’m not going to do it until I have 50 rough drafts. Once I have 50 rough drafts then you can come and help me maybe. I say maybe because I honestly can’t commit to letting the critic have too much creative license in the process. Give yourself a little break from the critic. Whether it’s five minutes or an hour. It is worth it.
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How to get unstuck
You’re stuck. You start to write something--it’s no good!. Go get a snack. Feel good for 5 seconds start over. try again. hate everything that comes out. If it’s all shit then nothing is, or maybe it’s really all shit. The thing is of course it is! We suffer from Comparison-osis: We are cursed with final products coupled with comparision. Look at before and after pictures of people who’ve lost weight. Listen to any song at all--these are ‘final’ products, the results of hours, weeks, or even years of work. Take music for example: if you’ve got it in your head that you want to write an original song, GREAT! If you’ve got it in your head that you want to write My Girl by the temptations then your screwed. Not because you can’t write an amazing song with similar musical feel or catchy lyrics, but because THAT SONG HAS ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN. Yes of course, what we need to consider is that when you’re sitting alone in your room, guitar in hand everything mic-ed up and ready to go, it’s a process. Just as is anything. There is no snapping your fingers and putting out the next hit. In Artists Way By Julia Cameron she says of Jealousy (another manifestation of comparison) is that if you look beneath jealousy you might consider that it’s truly just the fear that you won’t be able to do what you set out to do. So if you’re sitting in your room being jealous of Michael Jackson’s fame and amazing music/songs. Consider that. Consider that very seriously and know that next time you are attempting creativity and you start to feel jealous or blocked, you may just be talking yourself out of it because you’re afraid. It’s okay to be afraid--fear is healthy. Inspiration vs. comparison There something really interesting about people coming out of a comedy show. If you go to a comedy show next time look for this phenomenon: After the show EVERYONE is a comedian. I’ve sat down before the show and noticed that people are at a certain level of humorous in the audience, and then after the show as you file out to the street, all of a sudden people are making their own jokes, the most boring looking people are way more animated in their expressions and their ways of talking. This is one form of inspiration. It doesn’t last. Why? Why do we go back to our monday morning drearyness the next day? Because well one, we’re not drunk any more I guess, but it’s more than that. It’s that creativity is a muscle, one we strive to work out every day. Yet, we can’t see it, but you can be damn sure we can feel it. This is a really key thing for me. When I’m writing a song, I love to listen to the same song over and over to help myself be driven by a rhythm, an idea or a melody--or all three. Do nothing more than research. do nothing creative. Really do nothing. cultivate only the realizations that those heroes of yours, no matter who they are have cried. Have felt deep hateful doubt. They probably still do. Know this. There is no someday. Reach above you. the weight on your shoulders is the false belief that someday will come and you will be free. you need to reach above you and throw someday off. Someday is a weight on your shoudlers that collects more dust slowly and fills up--pretty soon you look like atlas. You start with a metal frame of an earth and fill it with your belief that you will wake up one morning and the great weight will be lifted. NEVER. you’ll never see someday, because it doesn’t exist. so how do you thow off these weights? Also don’t read too much. wha is is tyourve been trying to do? Write a song? If you’ve developed some damaged patterns for this medium. It may help to switch it up. What about trying something else for a week. I recently made a collage. So let me say I HATE(d) collages. messy gluing together of someone else's images? gross. I don’t like that kind of art! I want symmetry. Smooth lines, the opposite of collage. What I learned from this collage is this: The same thing i try to learn in every project: To let go. To be able to let go of the perfect dream. Julia cameron says perfectionism is the refusal to move forward. It’s not about standards. It’s about stopping yourself from going any where. Cultivating habits I hate the word “cultivating” It makes me think of a new age flowing robed dude sniffing incense. My own image that I like though is this: A slow gathering of positive actions over time. The ability to pile on tiny stone after the other until you tip the scales. That is your someday. someday is your ability to pile one tiny stone after the other. The false ideology is that one of picking up a huge rock and dropping it on the scale--catapulting your life forwards. So what about cultivating habits? What I do vs. What I did. Strive to never expect anything to come quickly while trusting that it will come: a song, a blog post, a poem, stream of consciousness. Warm ups are important--writing three pages of total “crap” every day has been the backbone of my creative endeavors introducing this after a habit you already have is key. I have a friend who does this after his eyes open upon waking up. I follow a writing diet--where upon waking I write three pages. When you know and trust that these pages are simply for you and they are nothing, they have no goal. you free yourself to be able to move forward. you want a bonfire of creativity? These are the fuel on the fire of creativity. Garbage Mountain Accept that the lowest common denominator will always be where you start with any project. no matter what. you start a song for example. It’s just you and terrible quality recording of your melody and maybe your words--good. you need to claw your way up a mountain of garbage, a stinking heap of crumpled paper, terrible contrived ideas and raw emotion to make it anywhere. Wait. For. Hope. As you crawl, you climb-- eventually you look down. and the view isn’t so bad. you notice “Hey that one line about the trash heap was pretty spot on. Down below I see another gem. Slowly. You create and learn to accept the shit that you produce. At first it’s always just that; Shit. As you get further on you get used to it. A relative of mine--Larry used to work in waste management. He doesn’t notice the smell anymore. He can eat a sandwich while watching the plant. eventually you detach yourself from the critic and say. I’ll worry about that later. Sometimes you never worry at all and instead you keep going. Garbage mountain is your friend. One thing. Crumple nothing. You also need to respect the process. I have probably 20 journals from my life. I may never read them again. They are a symbol of my journey up garbage mountain in a larger sense. Go watch spielberg's first film. Go and try and find first drafts of your favorite book. Watch deleted scenes from movies. Those are the ones that the editor pinched his nose and said. “no no no!” Those don’t include many terrible takes where the actors just sucked at acting and the scene made ZERO sense with the rest of the movie. and they did. because that’s their garbage mountain So let’s get a little meta Honestly,I wasn’t planning on writing abou garbage mountain. it just happened. Now i’ve got a fairly vivid metaphor. i’ll even show you this shitty hand written draft I’ve got. I’d love to release an album of first draft songs. for who? for me! and for you to hear what creativity sounds like---it sounds so shitty and that’s the beauty of it. when you start to get unstuck you realize that you weren’t stuck or blocked but rather that it didn’t take too much to move beyond. Appreciate the millimeters and they’ll soon turn to miles. See you soon. Ilan |